I shouldn’t be allowed to sit by my cousin at events where laughing is considered inappropriate. Like when we’re at a bridal shower and we’re asked to hold crystal hearts next to our own hearts and “put all our love in our heart into the crystal heart.” And then we all place our crystal hearts in a pretty glass jar for the bride to keep.
What kind of cult is this? This is my family? Holy hell.
It was hard enough to focus on transferring all my good thoughts. You know, there’s not too many.
So right when everyone is having a moment of silence to transfer their thoughts, my cousin leans over and whispers in my ear, “This must be hard for you … since you don’t have a heart.”
I suspect for our hypothetical wedding showers one day, the two of us will choose to sacrifice real chickens and keep their hearts in a box.
It’s more our style.