There’s always that one defining moment when you dare bring your significant other to a family event and hope that he or she is still dating you by the time the event is over.
I tried to avoid that moment for a long time. I’d rather risk being accused of having an imaginary boyfriend than subject him to my lunatic relatives.
But that lifestyle can’t last forever. So I picked a cousin’s kid’s 6th birthday party. People are behave at kid’s birthday parties, right?
It was a nice afternoon and we’re all sitting out on the deck having drinks and watching the kids play. My aunts are meeting The Bus and he’s holding his own quiet well. Not that I would expect anything less from him. He’s a pretty social guy.
At some point one of my aunts walks up behind him, while he’s sitting at the table having a conversation with someone else, and starts rubbing his recently buzzed head of hair. So there she is rubbing his head with both hands. He begins to have trouble continuing his conversation because he’s a little weirded out by my aunt’s rubbing. And, really, who wouldn’t be?
But, he’s a trooper. He adjusts and carries on.
Until another aunt casually walk by and, out of nowhere, yells at the aunt rubbing The Bus’s head, “you’re a real bitch.”
Que awkward silence. The Bus can’t turn around because one aunt still has her hands on his head while she fires back a quip. The two of them are going at it, while The Bus is stuck with his head in a vice grip.
So this is where every other cousin stands up, gathers their children and calls it quits. There’s a choir of “it’s time to go” and “we’re going to head out now” as everyone makes a mass exodus to the front door.
I have to wait there until The Bus gets a clean break. And then we leave. Since The Bus is the new guy, he’s doing his best to be polite. I’m just mortified and want to get the hell out of Villa de Crazy.
My words to him, “Welcome to the family. Are you going to dump me?”
He decided to hang on to me. Apparently his family has similar moments. Go figure!